Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
