just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
