Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
