it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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