Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
my liver is dry heaving
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
