Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
