It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
