Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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