Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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