In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
