I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
