I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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