Just took my morning after pill in the library
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
