Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
