So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
