And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize