The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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