:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
