I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
this will be a night to untag.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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