the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
one might say we're banned from that church
two words: eviction party
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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