i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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