Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
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Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Damn victory sex feels great
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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