I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
