I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
