I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
