Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
