I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
