well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
