you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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