I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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