Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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