I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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