nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
