lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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