I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
