Me. At least after what I've been through.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
