Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
