i just wanna soil my oats bro
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
