checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Is her dick bigger than yours?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
