i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I need to calm my uterus...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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