his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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