i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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