so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
