She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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