checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
