their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
