when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
