Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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