hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
