I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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