Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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