So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
