Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
