Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
