are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
