i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
