A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
