In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I pour the whiskey from now on
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
