Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
