I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
