The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
