Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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