just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
