idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
