none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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