Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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