hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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