i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
