It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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