I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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