How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
