no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
