Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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