My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
this just has baby written all over it
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
